Becoming a Mother Can Be Handled with WIT

By Tamela Thomas, Wellness Manager 

Are you are expecting your first child? Congratulations! No time like the present to start planning, right? So what's on your list—get a nursery ready, take childbirth classes, get the basic supplies and line up a few good home-cooked meals in the freezer? That sounds like a plan, but another important area that new moms often don't prepare for is re-entry into their jobs.

We've all known someone who was wildly successful in her job, loved working for her company, and appeared to be valued by her employer. Upon return from maternity leave, she became disenchanted and frustrated with her work life—a story I have witnessed time and time again. The sad thing is that many of the contributing factors to this dissatisfaction could have been prevented by proper planning.

This month's article is by Executive Coach Jennifer Pascho. Jennifer has created the WIT program—"Women In Transition." The purpose of WIT is to ensure that the right communication and processes have been put into place to smooth the path and create a positive re-entry experience for the new mom. It's the perfect example of how a little professional planning can go a long way.

Jennifer is available for consultations through the WAC Wellness Center. Call 206.839.4780 to find out more or schedule an appointment.

The Mother of all Transitions

By Jennifer Pascho, Executive Coach

I was an Executive Coach for almost three years when I became pregnant with my first child. One day an associate called me and said he had a great idea that was going to change my business. He was a general counsel for a dot-com, so I was very excited to hear what he had to say.

After sitting down with our lattes, he said, "I think you should coach women professionals back into the workplace after their maternity leave." At first I didn't react. I enjoyed the high-paced issues of my clientele and initially didn't connect to the broad issues of coaching women through this transition. The obvious issue was the potential dilemma of staying home or returning to work. I had my own business and, in essence, had already insulated myself from the hard decision that many women face when returning to work full time.

Nonetheless, I set off to find out what challenges women faced when transitioning into motherhood. The more I interviewed women, the more I unearthed a wealth of complex issues. I realized that this transition was not sufficiently addressed and that women would benefit from a coaching program that provided clarity, support and strategic planning.

A very hot topic 

Last October, Oprah Winfrey invited women on her show to discuss the challenging aspects of transitioning into motherhood. The show received 20 times more responses than any other topic on Oprah.com. The topic was so hot they had two additional shows to follow-up on the feedback. I mention this because it shows that issues surrounding the transition into motherhood are complex and very individual with no regular forum for discussion or accompanying support. What was even more surprising is that the shows didn't even touch on going back to work or the tough decision of putting a career on hold.

Transitioning to motherhood is a topic so personal to each woman that the purpose of my program has been to provide a non-judgmental framework for reflection, planning and learning about transition.

The foundation

Important decisions are clarified and less complex when they are seen through a well-understood set of core values. The process of clarifying your values examines what you stand for, what you care about and what inspires you as well as what you must have in your life to be fulfilled. When values are extracted in this way, they provide a sense of commitment, foundation and purpose. They give you a springboard from which to make decisions in your life.

A woman transitioning into motherhood is in an interesting position. Many have carefully constructed their identities by building solid careers. However, motherhood asks many of us to rediscover and possibly reframe some closely held beliefs that have laid dormant while our energies were focused in other areas of our lives.

In this respect, use your values to examine your beliefs about whether you should work or stay home as well as your beliefs about daycare. Where do these beliefs come from? Are there any family beliefs that might put pressure on you? If you have siblings, what choices have they made? Here, using your values to challenge your assumptions will provide insight into whether any conflicts are real to you or coming from somewhere else.

Values can also be used to assess other areas in your life such as balance, personal growth, finances, relationships, health and fitness. In this respect, having a clear understanding about what is important in each of these areas will provide you with a framework for keeping in touch with what you need in your life, and how you can redefine them with motherhood in mind.

Transition

Transition is all about how you handle change. Each of us processes change differently, and no one way is the right way. Understanding how you handle change can facilitate a smoother transition. Try this: Ask three people you trust how they have seen you handle change in the past. You may be surprised by their feedback.
Whether you need downtime, alone time or need to be surrounded by supportive friends, understand your needs, communicate them and incorporate them into your routine.

Put guilt into perspective 

Transitioning back to a work schedule while taking care of all the responsibilities that go along with being a mom can be challenging. Until boundaries are successfully negotiated, both internally and within your work place, guilt may become something you will need to cope with. This is a common reaction when we're acting outside of our values. We want to be home with our little one, but we're concerned that we've left work unfinished; work that typically would've have been done in our pre-baby years.

Creating new boundaries is difficult in itself, and some women may hesitate to bring attention to any roles outside of the organization that would be considered a conflict. The key here is to remember that being out of alignment with your values takes too much energy and in the end your actions will begin to work against the very choices you are trying to protect.

A few things to consider

Is your organization a safe place where you can discuss your career plans for after the baby? If not, do you have access to other women with whom you can be honest without fear of jeopardizing your position?

Create your "board of directors" made up of women you can call on for support. Include women who have been through the same transition, whose parenting style you admire, and who have successfully balanced motherhood and career.

The bottom line

In the end, we are happiest when our life decisions reflect our values or what matters most in our lives. With this understanding, we can maintain a better sense of who we are and our children will receive one of the greatest gifts we can give them: us, at our very best.